I’m wondering what, if anything, will top this from last year’s election season:

Hi, this is Bill O’Loughlin calling.

What I’m about to say to you I’d like to say in person, but I never have a chance to do so, and it wouldn’t be appropriate to the Park Country Club to do it, so therefore I choose not to, and since I don’t see you anywhere else, I thought I’d leave a voice mail to try and let you know what I have on my mind.

I’ve heard, Marilyn that you’re mad that you think I’m mad because you or Bob didn’t give me a contribution for my political fundraiser. It has nothing to do with that. Nothing whatsoever. As a matter of fact, I took you off my contribution list. You’ll never hear from me again – race big or small – if I ever run one in the future, I not only don’t want your contribution, I don’t want your vote.

I want people who are pretty elastic, who aren’t pretty sensitive, who are wealthy enough to be big contributors to me, and clearly you don’t fall into that camp, so don’t even bother.

But the real reason I don’t like what you do, Marilyn, is the way you unload on Linda. Bob, you’re the member – you’re supposed to control your spouse. You let her wander all over the club, a couple of glasses of wine, and she unloads on Linda about her or her other problems.

I asked her nicely after 20 minutes at our table wanting to please excuse us cuz we don’t get out very often. Linda and I go out two nights a week, that’s it. I’m not going to sit there and listen to the problems of her, when we all have our own problems. Bob – you know it and I know it, we all do. We either have them or we will have them, and I don’t wanna hear anybody else’s, nor do I expect people to hear mine.

That’s not appropriate, Marilyn. It’s not appropriate Bob. And you know you’re wrong, if you think about it. If you think about social panache and think about what you’re doing.

Also, Bob, don’t ever tell me again, you know how the game is played. You don’t know how anything is done in politics if you think a letter – a letter – would suffice to thank me for getting that retention pond cleaned out. I pulled out more markers than you’ll ever know to try to help you as a friend, and your gratitude is really most noticeable – you don’t have any. I get men over there that nobody would have done for you except me, and you couldn’t have got anyone to do it for you.

Don’t tell me you know how the game is played – letters don’t hack it, Bob. And…

(message ends)

Hi, Bob & Marilyn, Bill O’Loughlin again. I know the tape ran out, but it’s important you hear everything. By the way, I’ll tell you all of this in person. I’m not trying to avoid you in person, I just don’t know when I’ll see you. Bob, if I ever experience your cocky attitude again that you displayed out there the other day on the terrace, you’ll regret it.

You have no idea how I can take you and make you look like a cocky, arrogant person you pretend to be. Don’t ever do that to me again.

Remember, guys, I did nothing to you. You go to a party at the 20th Century Club? No thank you note. Any social grace would tell you, Marilyn, to do that. But you don’t want to do that? That’s fine.

I help you get your retention pond cleaned out and you want to give me a letter? C’mon. Stop the bullshit. Bob, you’re playing kindergarten, I’m playing the big leagues. Quite frankly, I don’t have room for you in my game.

Any time you want to talk to me about anything, you can do that. I’ll do it in person or on the phone.

But I’m telling you guys, don’t you ever steal me out at the Park Country Club again. If you do, I’ll make you look like the social inept people you are. You want to be cocky and arrogant around me? You want to walk around, Marilyn, after a couple glasses of wine? And unload your problems on me, and then go over to the Culligans for a half an hour? If I were them, I would have thrown you away from the table.

Brian Culligan looked like he was ready to go to sleep. Marilyn, shame on you. Any good businessman would know better not to do that.

And Bob, you should control your wife. She’s not the member, you are. You wanna talk to me? You know where to reach me. You don’t? That’s fine too. Thank you for listening.

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